


The Final Bungee Gum

by Galacticspace97



Category: Hunter X Hunter, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe, Based on a Twitter Post, Comedy, Crossover, Gen, M/M, light gore, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25911337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galacticspace97/pseuds/Galacticspace97
Summary: Hisoka is the final angel, Illumi is the pilot of Unit 01. The confrontation in Terminal Dogma is about to become a very sticky situation
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	The Final Bungee Gum

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I have never actually seen H x H, but Cinip did send me a Hisoka x Illumi /Eva AU from twitter that just wouldn't leave my brain. So.....enjoy.

Klaxons and alarms blared as a singular figure floated through the dark tunnel of Terminal Dogma. The lanky silhouette wore a simple white shirt and dark pants, the monochrome colors contrasting with the messy crop of flaming red hair on his head. A titanic crash emanated from far behind, echoing down the cavernous space. 

Hisoka paid the battle no mind as he continued his inexorable advance. There was only one thing down here, he could feel it in his soul. In front of him, a massive hexagonal door appeared from the gloom. Hisoka’s lips curved into a thin smile as he shot a look at the electronic card reader near the floor. Instantly, several dozen layers of security measures were overridden as their components exploded from the cubic meters of sticky pink aura that suddenly manifested inside of them. The door responded, shuddering to life as it slowly opened. Hisoka hovered silently watching the five meter thick blast shielding slowly pull apart. From within the sealed chamber, a light shined out onto his face. The final angel squinted into the illumination and grinned as his prize came into view. Crucified on a gargantuan crimson cross was the first angel, Adam. More sounds of combat echoed down from the hall. A titanic punch, a grapple, the sound of a knife finding its mark. Hisoka ignored the cacophony and willed himself forwards, floating through the widening aperture and into the final chamber. 

Harsh lighting glared down as the red haired angel approached the huge hanging form. Up close, Hisoka regarded it with curiosity. This was it, the first life form on Earth, the progenitor of humanity, the mother like entity for the angels. He closed his eyes. Deep inside his heart, he could feel the pull of the primordial being calling him.

_ Return…. _ it begged him.

_ Return to me and begin the third impact.  _

The angel opened his eyes and looked up. Adam was quite a bit different than he had remembered. Hisoka’s gaze narrowed. Something was wrong. He lifted his chin as his vision narrowed in on the mask. His eyes widened in recognition. 

“Wait.” He said in a contemplative voice. “This isn’t Adam… Lilith?” Hisoka’s thoughts were interrupted by a gigantic splash behind him. Turning around, the last angel looked as Evangelion Unit 01 limped its way into the chamber. Unit 02 lay defeated at its feet, submerged in the LCL with a huge knife sticking out of its face. Hisoka didn’t move as the enormous mech reached out and grabbed him in its fist. 

“Thank you,” Hisoka said looking up at the imposing horned helmet. “Truth is, I wanted you to stop Unit 02.” He said with a sly smile. 

“Why?” Illumi’s voice echoed from the armored giant. “Why are you doing this?” 

“Because the choice to die is the one choice no one can take from you.” The angel said. “For me, there is equal pleasure in both.” 

“I…” Illumi trailed off. “I cannot do this.”

Hisoka sighed, mildly annoyed. “It’s simple.” He explained. “I die and you collect our engagement contract, it’s a win-win.” The massive fist still did not move.

After many minutes, Hisoka finally let out an exasperated moan. “Very well.” He said, “ I will help you to find the motivation to do the deed.” Wriggling an arm free from the gargantuan fist, the red haired angel closed his eyes and coughed into his hand to clear his throat. Then he looked up, directly into the large, luminous eyes of Unit 01 and smiled.

“Bungee gum has both the properties of rubber an-” 

**“PPLUKERERUEKEREUKGUHEKEUK”**

A wet, disgusting, sound of breaking bones and tearing flesh erupted out from the fist of the massive mech, bouncing off the walls of the vast chamber. It was quickly followed by the sound of a round, heavy object, covered in a mop of red hair, splashing into the orange liquid below.

Inside the entry plug, Illumi stared, dumbfounded at the grisly results of his instinctive response. He hadn’t meant to do that so violently, but as soon as he heard those words…. The black haired man shivered and lowered Evangelion’s mighty fist. It wasn’t so much that the sight of gore bothered him, it was more so that some of it was looking suspiciously pink and stretchy….


End file.
